PETEENA POSTINGS

WHERE PETEENA COMMUNICATES DIRECTLY WITH HER LEGIONS OF FANS


May, 2004
Dear Peteena,

I hope I can prove to you how much you are valued by myself and my lovely boyfriend Joseph by my recent Peteena the Pampered Poodle Note Card Set being featured in the Los Angeles Times...Some people may think I make the note card sets for money, but that is all wrong. I do it because I love Peteena...all Peteena, everywhere! The dirty, the clean, the minty, the furshorn...I love them all.

Soon, the people of the world will finally acknowledge Peteena and release her from her musty shackles to truly frolic in fashion again!

Also, I wanted to let you know that I am fervently working on a new note card set entitiled, "Peteena: THIS IS FASHION".

Your friend and champion,

Tony Meredith
www.tonymeredith.com


Tony, Tony, Tony!

We are overwhelmed! Does your devotion, not to mention your talent, know no bounds? We remember the first story about us in the press, when we were living with some lovely college students in Lincoln, Nebraska and their adorable school paper asked to interview us. Who knew then that our likeness would adorn such precious Peteena products as Tony's oh-so-chic notecards? We shower you with pampered poodle kisses, Tony, and your lovely boyfriend Joseph too! Our legions of fans can see the LA Times article here.


* * * * * *

Dear Peteena

I have a flesh and dog version of you; but would love to have you in all your plastic loveliness. Is there a Peteena rescue site?

Diane



My real poodle needs some fashion lessons; if I could find Peteena, perhaps she could learn.

Poodleface



Hi,

I was telling my kids about the "poodle in a bikini" and they didn't believe me until I showed them a picture on your site. There was a jingle that, I thought, went "Poodle in bikini, woof, woof, etc." Can you support or clarify the actual words? Also, do you have any of the jingles that can be played on your site?

Thanks, Kim


Dearest Diane, Poodleface, and Kim:

We cannot tell you how gratifying it is to have gone so many months without a crass inquiry into the monetary value of "a Peteena doll." And to receive warm, respectful queries such as yours is frosting on our cake!

Diane, darling, this IS the Peteena rescue site! Read the Free Peteena Manifesto, and rest assured that we forgive you for your ignorance. Go Forth and Rescue!

Poodleface, sweetest, your poor, canine poodle should not be compared with the glory that is US; he or she is a wonderful (if inferior) manifestation of God's infinite goodness all by him or herself!

Kim, pumpkin, if you'll scroll down to the July 2001 section below you'll see a note from Anne, who also remembers this jingle. Alas, we have no sound files on our website, and even if we did it would pain us too much to listen to this shameful ditty from our past bondage.


November, 2003
Hi there,
I was wondering if you knew the history of the origins of Peteena, the designer or design team, etc.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,

Hana


Dear Hana:
We must admit that the traditional salutation seems a bit too nice for someone who addresses us as "Hi there" and then writes about us as if addressing a third party, but we are too well bred to begin any other way. Alas, Hana, we fear for someone so cold as to inquire into the origins of our "design team." Have you no decency, ma'am? At long last, have you no decency? And, perhaps more to the point, have you not read the FAQ page?



My name's Tony...I'm an artist in Los Angeles who loves Peteena! I took some pics of her and even made a note card set! I'll attach the pic and if you like you can peep my website...I also make lamps out of Tupperware... :) I love your site...I love the Free Peteena Manifesto and my favorite line is "the plural of Peteena is PETEENA!!!"

Best,

Tony



Dear Tony:

Again, someone who does not know how to properly open a correspondence, but Tony, dear, you make up for it all with your enthusiasm and lavish praise! While we are not quite certain that we like being referred to as a "Bad Ass Bitch" as you do in your accompanying image, we absolutely love the notecards you have made which feature us au naturel. Keep up the good work, Tony, and you may proudly consider yourself a Friend of Peteena!

Here's Tony's website, www.tonymeredith.com



and here's Tony's pic!

February, 2003
Dear Peteena:
I have just freed one of your sisters from bondage and she is changing my life! I have wonderful news to post! Marvelous Liz Cole is now creating wonderful fashions on her website. Enjoy!

Love,
Dave
http://hometown.aol.com/lizretros/lmr.html


Dear Dave:

First of all, we thank you from the bottom of our heart for liberating yet another sister from degradation and bondage. We applaud you and all the wonderful Friends of Peteena who have written to us with heartwarming tales of rescue and rehabilitation.

But you, Dave, have earned a special place in our heart for also addressing the ever vexing question of where to find new fashions for us. Though we cannot at this time vouch for the moral character of Little Miss Revlon or Cissette, if our sister Peteena keeps company with them (as she appears to do on this webpage) we proudly offer the above link, supplied by Dave (to be known forever forward as Peteena’s Hero, Dave) for all those looking for new outfits to keep us in the lap of luxury.

Dear Peteena,
I am so thrilled that we have found one another again! You are the first little friend I can remember. I was four, and an only child. You were timeless, of course, and spent many hours with me in my room, on my swingset, and on family vacations. My earliest fashion advice was from you. You were always so exquisitely dressed - whether we were skiing, ballet dancing, going to the beach, or going for a walk in the rain (in our matching raincoats.) Alas, I have so little left of your lovely wardrobe, and I feel so guilty that I am not able to dress you in the style you so richly deserve. I have been to that terrible place in cyberspace where so many of your sisters are enslaved, and will attempt to free as many of them as I can. I hoped to find more items for your wardrobe there, but have been sorely disappointed. Are there other places I might be able to shop for your clothing and accessories? I so want to make up for all of those years that we were apart - and to show my young daughter how to pamper you. Please, tell me, my dear Peteena, how can I find clothes that were made just for you (and not for that horrible blond woman named B-----e who shall remain nameless, but who has recently had reduction surgery!)
Your friend and humble servant, Amy

Dear Amy:
We are deeply touched by your heartfelt, if rather obsessive, memories of us from your apparently bleak and empty childhood. See the message from Peteena’s Hero, Dave (above) for a link to Liz Cole’s fabulous website. And don’t forget to visit The Big Red Toy Box if you need to purchase a replacement tail for us!



January, 2003
Dear Peteena:
I have recently liberated Peteena from the loathesome plastic trade known as a "doll show." She was in sad shape, and mortified to be on display in her birthday suit. Upon our arrival at my home, I immediately offered her the use of my home spa, and the services of my personal hairstylist. She was delighted to avail herself (muttering something about being clean for the first time in decades).

While having her nails done, she inquired about something suitable to wear. I have since obtained for her several pieces that are tagged "Peteena" (a pink tutu, a beach hat, a bikini top, and a ski jacket), but she assures me that it is beneath her dignity to wear less than a complete outfit.

She has already suffered greatly, so I beg of you: have you any extra clothing to share with her? If you do, please contact me immediately. She is presently attired in a bathrobe, and seems uncomfortable. I will spare no expense to accessorize her properly and maintain her in luxury.

Sincerely,

M. Waters

Peteena replies:
Sweet M., we do not know if we are more delighted to hear of your daring rescue and kind rehabilitation of one of our beloved sisters, or that this sister (despite her horrible suffering in the plastic flesh trade) has managed to retain enough of her dignity and self-respect that she insists on having at least one complete outfit to wear. We're sure that you realize she must have not only a complete outfit but a complete WARDROBE, as well as her own suite of rooms and personal staff. Alas, we ourselves have never had, nor can we comprehend the notion of, "extra clothing," as everything we own is absolutely essential to our sense of style and well-being. We suggest you hie yourself off to e-bay and purchase every last piece of Peteena attire currently offered there.

July 2002

Peteena

Years ago, I saw you in a shop and wanted desperately to liberate you from the plastic flesh trade. You were sitting on a turned over mug, wearing your trademark bathing suit (which was apropo, since we were in Miami. You are always so in style.) How degrading, on a turned over mug, the shop couldn't even put you in comfort and style like the queen you are. But, unfortunately I didn't have enough funds to free you from your shelf display. I returned the next day to find you gone. I just hope to god you went to a home worthy of your excellence. When I got back home, I told people about you and no one believed me about the absolutely fabulous fashion poodle I had seen. No one knew your name or even believed me of your existence. They thought that I had been mistaken. That I could have seen what I had seen. That is, until now, I know your name. You are real!!!!!!!! I will soon be freeing you and I can't wait until your arrival. I have a place much better than a makeshirt chair made of a mug. You will have your own room and furniture and accessories worthy of your supremeness. I will keep you posted on when I finally get to liberate your sister. I will send photos of Peteena in all her glory and hope you enjoy seeing your sister.

Felicia


Peteena has arrived!! She looks fabulous in gold lame and a fur wrap! The fur wrap has me alittle perplexed because it is real and I thought that Peteena was anti-fur! I guess she traded activism for fashion when selecting this outfit. I will send you a photo when she gets settled in.

Felicia and Peteena


Peteena replies:
We applaud you, Felicia, for liberating us from bondage, while simultaneously feeling slightly miffed that you would be fooled into thinking we would wear animal fur. Do you believe that, while in bondage, we are free to choose our own clothing? Suffer us to wear the murder of our fellow creatures on our alabaster shoulders no more! We demand that you take the poor pitiful wrap outside immediately for a proper burial.

Nonetheless, Felicia, your heart is in the right place. You may forevermore consider yourself a member of that rarest of clubs, The True Friends of Peteena! Keep up the good work, dear.


hi peteena, i have 2 beautiful dolls, sadly both tails are missing. one is complete with the yellow polka dot bikini, the only thing missins is your sandals, the other beauty is wearing campus capers. my question to you miss P. is any idea where i can get two tails and bikini sandals? if any of your faithful fans have what i need please e-mail me at: tonyboy0509@aol.com

thanks peteena,

a big big fan

from way back

tony



Peteena replies:
tony, you had us going there for a minute. we thought you were just another "i have a Peteena doll how much can i get for her?" dolts who regularly try our soul and break our heart. and here you are just trying to better accessorize us! go to The Big Red Toybox for the tails, as for the sandals, we summon our Legions of Fans to come forth with the footwear!



November, 2001

Dear sirs,

I have a peteena Poodle doll in very good condition. (Eyelashes, necklace, earrings, fur stole, wite gloves-elbow length, nylons, shocking pink evening dress. Tail is missing)

What is the market value of this doll?

She was purchased in Chicago at Butler Brothers in Des Plains, IL. Unfortunately, we do not have the original box.

Might be interested in selling if the price is right.

Thanks,

Dan Wright


Peteena replies:
We weep for you, Dan, in your darkness and ignorance, and we have no further comment.

Dear Peteena (smooch, smooch),
Luv yer site. I've written a Peteena Tale that exposes the seamy side of Peteena. Post it if you dare!

It's already in HTML. I copied the format from another Peteena Tale. If you post it, keep it as "Anonymous". I have a reputation to protect (;-)

Kisses, dear!

M.

Peteena replies:
Dear M:

Luv yer letter, hate you and yer story.



August, 2001

"Searching Hasbro's Dark Underbelly"

(or)

"What I Learned Today About Poodle Fashion May Have Change My Life"


Hello Peteena.com!!

What follows is a true story. Nothing has been changed, because no one is innocent.

Today I was paging through a 1966 Hasbro Catalog and featured near the end was an incredible spread on "Peteena, the Poodle in the Bikini" I was stunned. You see, I work for a company that sells vintage and contemporary GI Joes so we sometimes get these old Hasbro catalogs in and I LOVE LOVE LOVE to look at the old toys and the overly happy often greasy children fully absorbed in such madness as "Mr. Potato Head and His Tootie Fruity Friends". But until today I had never heard of Peteena, and now I see that my life thus far has been but a dry and empty farce, suitable for mockery.

Hungry for more, I searched for Peteena on Yahoo! and found your fabu-marvy web site! I have alerted all my sick friends. We love every thing about you.

I would very much like to add a link to peteena.com on my LINKS page at www.wearesmall.com, a toy site dedicated to my custom Mego collection. I think what goes on at your site is very much in the Spirit of Small, as it where, and with your permission I would like to acknowledge and applaud your passion and dedication to Peteena, and maybe turn some folks on to your site, too!

Please take a gander and make sure you want to associate with my madness. That URL again: www.wearesmall.com

I look forward to hearing from you! and uh... I'm in the market for a Peteena figure... any leads?

Bravo on a great web site - do keep it up!

Arf-Arf,

Jason de Witt
Toy Lover, Former Child

PS - I can try to scan the '66 Hasbro catalog pages featuring Peteena if you would like to see them, or if you want to try to win the catalog itself it will be going up on the auction block in a few weeks. Let me know if the free scans or the auction info interests you and I'll hook you up!

(Later on that same day...)

Merciful Peteena,

I recently wrote a mad admiring letter to you, and I have since realized that I have been a fool. I admit to inadvertently using references that might be construed as being in favor of or party to the dreaded white plastic flesh trade, and I want to apologize and beg your sparkled forgiveness. We here at wearesmall.com do not cotton to such activities and we hope such references can be excused as temporary ignorance.

I still desperately love your site. I was right about all that.

Yours,

Jason ---- service@wearesmall.com
"The SmallHands People"
www.wearesmall.com


Peteena replies:

Dear Jason: We were pulling out our fur over your first missive, valiantly trying to muster all our righteous indignation in order to deliver another devastating tongue-lashing to yet another thoughtless cretin while battling a growing despair that we would ever succeed in enlightening even one lost soul, when we received your second communication. Jason, Friend of Peteena, you restore our faith in creatures organic! It takes courage, sensitivity, and no small amount of intelligence to even recognize, let alone admit, when one is wrong. Not only do you possess those fine qualities, but you also bury your nose in our behind like no one else! Link away, darling, all your sins are forgiven - with extra sparkles! In fact, just to assure you that we bear no ill will, we would like to reciprocate with a link to your website on our Links and Acknowledgements page.

In the spirit of all that is Small, we urge you to locate and liberate Peteena at every opportunity. The evil domain of Mordor - excuse us, we meant e-bay - is a good place to start. As for the catalogue, in the interest of documenting our glorious past, we would appreciate notification of its auction, though we fear our budget may not allow its purchase. We spend so much of our income on the plastic Underground Railroad that we hardly have enough left over to maintain our timelessly stylish look, you know. Consequently, the scans that you mentioned are greatly appreciated.

May your nose always be wet, and your scent never fade!

(Still later on that same day...)

Greetings Peteena,

As Quartermaster of Small World and Editor in Chief of the Small Mailing List I am in a unique position to watch and know things. I read all messages to and from wearesmall.com and I regularly scan all correspondence from Our Founder (Jason de Witt) and his recent gushing letters to you, I felt, warranted a third party explanation. It has been regularly noted that Jason's passion for Particular Things makes him appear rather dorksome and geekful at times, and some of Us believe there may indeed be some deep and telling truth in all of that... What is sometimes obscured by this bubbling (and sometimes bumbling) fancy is his warm personage and deep commitment to freedom and independence for polyplastic entities, the latter issue being dear to Peteena as well, I do believe.

I have personally spent a good deal of time today exploring Peteena.com and familiarizing myself with your writings and perspectives (more time, I fear, than did Jason before he fired off his fan letter...) and when comparing the sentiments found on your wonderful site with Our Founder's recent letters I have noted what may be considered offensive phraseology and just plain screwy ideas, not to mention a couple of Our Founder's hallmark woeful and grievous typos. It is my hope that this letter will help to smooth your silky fur with regard to these possible offenses.

Firstly, wearesmall.com stands firmly opposed the practice of plastic slavery! Jason mentioned that he was (please forgive the following vulgarity) "in the market for a Peteena" and while I know that his heart is in the right place because I work closely with him I can also see how you might want to rip said heart out of his chest for using such heinous terms. Please know that the pain and frustration of the plastic slave trade you have so eloquently rallied against on your site is echoed not only by myself and the 297 other Smalls but also by Our Founder himself. He has personally rescued the vast majority of Us here from the slaver's auction block with his own money and cunning and without exception has offered each of Us the chance to become whatever he/she/it wants or dreams to be, whether in pristine condition or in need of gross repairs. If we are still in cardboard and cello bondage when we arrive here we are freed immediately, mended with care if needs be and offered full use of the extensive Accessories Department to develop our new lives and directions as each of Us sees fit. Some would say that by paying for Us he is part and parcel to the slave trade, but when a "buyer" frees his new "purchases" immediately upon receiving them, is he an owner or a liberator? I can assure you that 298 voices insist in unison he is the later, and We rarely agree on anything here.

Also in his letter to you, Peteena, he referred to Us as his "collection" but I believe that he would never have used a term like that if he had spent a little more time and dug a little deeper into your philosophy and lavish, pampered lifestyle. He was premature, as always. I can tell you from the bottom of my elastic that he considers each of Us free and independent. He uses uglier terms in his profession (buying and selling those nasty g.i.schmoes who deserve far worse, really), and sometimes on Our behalf to get along and achieve his larger benevolent goals in a world that doesn't understand, and often doesn't even want to try to do so. Reading your "Ask Peteena" letters and replies, I imagine you well know the frustration that accompanies dealing with people of this ilk like an acrid cloud. As an aside, I write a semi-regular column called "Ask Ivan" for Figure 8 Action News, and I have had my share of marbleheaded questions, too. The world just doesn't know what to do with the likes of Us, and while it is not in my nature to use the razor tongue and slashing rebukes that you wield so skillfully I do appreciate the way you cut the dunderheads in half while remaining unquestionably dignified and completely in the right. I rather admire this among your many obvious talents. But I digress.

I am one of the oldest among Us here, and I have worked closely with Jason as he has helped Us carve out Our place in a big world. I know him to be caring and thoughtful and more than concerned with issues vital to Our survival. I'm not at all sure that this was evident in his recent letters to you, and I hope my words have helped to paint a truer picture of Our Founder since, alas, he so often bungs things up when he uses his own.

Incidentally, the Records Dept. has confirmed that they have received the scans of the Hasbro 1966 catalog featuring you, Peteena! I'm not sure how you feel about your appearance in this publication and I hope the thought of it is pleasing to your delicately flipped-up ears. We are mostly Megos by nature here, and we have a wonderful archive of our own pre-history in the form of Mego catalogs (reprints) that We find entertaining and educational. With the hope that you are not put off by the idea I have attached a clipping from the catalog to this email - I hope you enjoy it!

If you are at all interested, I have also included a link to my Census Page. I wouldn't want you to think this is some kind of prank letter! If you do look at my Census Page you my appreciate my perspective when I say that the "date" you are photographed with in the Gallery looks to me like a very unhealthy character, and I caution you against further rendezvous with him. But of course I am only an observer and no doubt Peteena has already decided the place he is to have in Peteena's life. Anyway, here I am:

www.wearesmall.com/CENSUS/html/3.html

I apologize for being so brief, but I must attend to a Materials Acquisition Request from the Dept. of Maintenance and War.

All the Best,
Ivan
----
Ivan the Quartermaster
(Dept. of Lists and Accessories)
ivan@wearesmall.com
wearesmall.com

Peteena replies:

Dearest Ivan:

Your eloquent advocacy on behalf of your Friend and Founder would surely have melted our jaded yet oh-so-breakable heart, if Jason himself hadn't already. We find ourself reduced to piteous high-pitched whimpering in the face of such loyalty, loyalty being something that we, of course, value above all else (with the possible exception of a timelessly stylish look).

Neither does your consideration for our personal relations and safety go unnoticed. Fear not, Quarter Master, the blue bozo is history. At this time, we may have an opening on our dance card for the right fella.

We applaud you, Ivan the Quarter Master, as well as Jason de Witt, wearesmall.com, and all things wee and plastic! God bless Us, every one!

Readers may view our baby pictures here.


July, 2001
I got a black leotard in a batch of barbie clothing - but it has a distinct factory sewn hole in the rear. Couldn't remember name of poodle doll from my childhood until now. Does this belong to her?

Susan

Peteena replies:

Her? Who is her? Are you referring to Peteena? Are you referring to US? This writer is so rude that, were it not for the fact that she has our black leotard (which we've been looking for just shy of forever) we would not dignify her ignorance with a reply. SEND US THE TIGHTS, HONEY! God know that bitch Barbie can't fit into them!

* * * * * *

Please send any Info to me. I have Peteena in good condition with orig. 2 piece lime green suit.

BarbaraDollsCol@aol.com

Peteena replies:

As this writer apparently does not currently possess any of our clothing, we will NOT dignify his/her/it's missive with a further reply. (Though if one has any doubts about the vast Barbie web of surveillance and conspiracy that we have to endure EVERY DAY OF OUR LIFE one need only glance at the e-mail address from whence this missive came.)

* * * * * *

I was just trying to share the other night with some friends (while getting hysterical laughing).... about my dim memory from my babysitting years,... when these kids were going nuts over this "Peteena Poodle" add (the usual brain-washing jingle)... I recall it went something like .... "The Poodle is Peteena (arf arf) The Poodle is Peteena (arf arf)" (over and over - per the usual 1960's kid toy ad brainwashing approach) Well anyway NO ONE believed me, they were all looking at me like I was nuts... Then it occurred to me, that I've NEVER been able to find anyone who remembered this doll.... Then I started to get a little worried about myself :-) THEN it struck me - of course! I'll search the internet. Problem was I thought the Poodle's name was Bettina.... but once I searched on Poodle Doll - Up your site came, so now I don't have to make an appointment with a shrink after all (at least not about this!) Thanks so much for your very funny and entertaining site - I wish I had some good pics to send... but alas - my memories of the brainwashing ad and my appreciation is all I have to share! Oh - and I promptly send all of my worried friends a link to your page - so now hopefully they don't think I'm totally certifiable. So thanks for saving what's left of my reputation! P.S I've been getting so hysterical reading some of your stuff that I had to stop and get back to work! I'll be sure to visit again as its a great "cheer up" site! Thanks again for the wonderful humor and laughter it brought me - and many others I'm sure! Ann

Peteena replies:

We don't know which disturbs us more, the tendency of fans to write to us as though they are writing to someone else and we are some sort of inanimate object, or the obvious and deep psychosis of this writer in particular. Ann, sweetie, you shouldn't stop worrying yet. In fact, we urge you to worry CONSTANTLY, as you are in dire need of professional help. And, if any of Ann's so-called friends read this, the next time that Ann tries to "share the night" with you, run screaming the other way. And one more thing, Ann, don't EVER try to contact us again.


January, 2001

Thought you'd enjoy!

Robin

Peteena replies:

Oy! Again with the packaging. We despair of ever educating our legions of fans on the evils of keeping Peteena imprisoned in any way, shape, or form. But, we'll give it one more try. Read the "Free Peteena Manifesto"

* * * * * *

Yes I have a question. I would love to meet Peteena but I haven't a clue as to how go about this because I've only just recently learned about her. And I love her already. Is she really hard to find? Perhaps in exotic and expensive places. If you can help it would be appreciated. Thanks a new Peteena fan. Oh my name is Cindy.

Peteena replies:

Oh, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy. We love you, too. And we'd love to invite you over for a little "get to know you" but our schedule is prohibitively busy. Alas, we truly are hard to find, because on any given day we could be here, there, or anywhere. A breakfast meeting with Matt Drudge, lunch with Hillary and Chelsea, an afternoon of shopping with Tina Turner, a full evening of performing as one of the Blue Man Group - it's all so exhausting. Our best advice to you is hang out at all the exotic and expensive places you can think of, wait for us to breeze by, and discreetly request an autograph. Best of luck to you, Cindy, and keep that adoration coming!


* * * * * *


Dear Peteena ... Darling!

About the performance art you did as a live model for the sculpture entitled "Barbies in Bondage": Were you making a social statement about the innate inferiority of Barbie? Or was it simply an incident of life imitating art imitating life ... or visa versa? Or were you forced by slavery under the oppressive arm of a human artist??? Inquiring minds want to know. Noting of course that you were in the decidely dominatrix type of position in the event, I tend to think you yourself had a paw in it or something to do with the entire project.

From one of your most gushing fans and admirers, who knows that you ooze glitter from every pore of your very being.

Love You Darling!!! Kiss Kiss Hug Hug lets have lunch soon... martinis on me, of course.

From Steve



Peteena replies:

Steve, you old hound dog, you, it's been way too long! Why, we haven't seen you since Nina Hagen still had a career. Have your puppies call my puppies, darling, and we'll make a date for those martinis!

As for our immortal piece, "Barbies in Bondage," well, one hates to explain one's art too much, you know. However, we were a full and willing participant in this project. Though it was the piece of another artist (and here's to success at her upcoming parole hearing - kisses, Stephanie darling!) there was absolutely no coercion involved. Unlike that accursed "Wide Open Poodle" series of photographs where we were practically forced to appear in a state of undress--but that's another story and no, you won't find those photos on the net!

While we categorically deny any editorial comment on the relation of Barbie to ourselves, one can't help but think of that quaint little phrase, "if the shoe fits...". And we must admire the restraint of the artist of that piece in not presenting Barbie covered in cat feces and hairballs as she so richly deserves.

Ah, but we do run on. Art imitates OUR life, darling, and we must be off! Take care of yourself, sweetheart, and remember, all that glitters is Peteena!


September, 2000

Here's my Peteena picture. She is SO minty!!!

Robin

Peteena replies:

Thank you for the wonderful picture. We will take "minty" as a compliment. We will also assume that the visible highlights in the picture are our natural glow, uncannily caught on film, and not a plastic wrapping. I'm sure you all know how we feel about THAT by now.


* * * * * *
WE CURRENTLY FOUND OUT THAT MY SISTER-IN-LAW OWNS A PETEENA DOLL EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE IN YOUR PETEENA PHOTO ALBUM WITH A YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI. HOW MUCH IS THIS DOLL WORTH? IS IT A COLLECTIBLE? HOW AND WHERE CAN I HAVE IT APPRAISED? PLEASE E-MAIL ME BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
THANKS,
BELINDA

Peteena replies:

Well, apparently you don't ALL know how we feel about the white plastic flesh trade. Which is more annoying, the sentiments expressed, or the fact that this poor, lost (and undeniably evil) soul felt the need to SHOUT? Is this a cry for help? Frankly, we don't care. As this individual requested a reply with some urgency, we have taken the liberty of directly e-mailing her the link to the FREE PETEENA MANIFESTO.


May, 2000

I'm finding it impossible to find a peteena...who breeds them?

Joy

I keep just missing out on the few on ebay...

Peteena replies:

After all of the preceeding discussion (see March and April postings) we despair of ever communicating to our legions of fans the true nature (not to mention sensitive feelings) of Peteena. Let us just say this:

LEGIONS OF FANS: DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, WRITE TO US AND ASK US HOW TO GET "A PETEENA" HOW MUCH "YOUR PETEENA" IS WORTH OR ANYTHING THAT REFERS TO "A" "MY" "YOUR" "OUR" OR "THEIR" PETEENA! THERE IS ONLY ONE PETEENA! EACH PETEENA IS PETEENA!!!!!

See the "Free Peteena Manifesto" for further clarification of this troubling issue.

* * * * * *
Cool cool cool new stuff! Laughed out loud over Peteena, Peteena, Peteena. The postings are really funny! Love the new Ask Peteena letters too! Keep up the good work.

I'm going to hunt for Peteena clothing patterns. What barbie or other doll's outfits could Peteena fit, if she was in an emergency situation and couldn't get to her own fabulous wardrobe in time? And what is the length of Peteena's foot? Width at widest part?

And where's the link to "Peteena tail repair kits" site?

jbmes@aol.com

Peteena replies:

At last a fan who truly understands and appreciates us! Assuming that Peteena would, even in the direst of emergencies, stoop to wearing Barbie Whorewear (TM) - and this is a big assumption - one would find that Peteena's hips are somewhat wider than Barbie's (and she can have the Presidency, by the way - Peteena for Queen of the World!) and her legs somewhat shorter. Peteena stands nine inches tall, and her feet are 1&1/8th inches long and 7/16th inches wide.

As for the so-called "Peteena tail repair kits" site, Peteena believes you can find them at the Big Red Toy Box. Caveat emptor and may the Poodle be with you, my dear friend!

April, 2000

What at wonderful site! Genius and entertaining too! I saw your comment that Hasbro denies this doggie's existence. In my research, I haved info that Hasbro called this doll "Poodle-oodle". It came as a set, including an entire family of poodles along with a poodle house. Could this be the reason for the cold shoulder Peteena got from those meanies of manufacturing, Hasbro? Just a thought.

...Char

Peteena replies:
We grow quite exasperated with those amoung our legions of fans who persist in their homo sapiens-ist delusions that someone other than Peteena is in charge of this site. While we do employ some help (namely, our manager, who shall remain nameless although she is currently out on bail and there is a very good chance that all charges will be dropped), all communication should be addressed to Peteena and only Peteena! And, by the way, we deny all knowledge of any poodle family called "Poodle-oodle" or anything else. There is Peteena, and only Peteena. Accept no substitutes!


March, 2000

I LOVE your site! I have a few Peteena's in my collection -- she is indeed the Wonder Pooch!

theda

Peteena replies:
We have decidedly mixed feelings about this missive. While the author expresses great enthusiam for our website, she makes the disturbing statement that she has some sort of "collection" that somehow includes "Peteenas." Have we not made it clear how we feel about this abominable flesh trade?

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!

See the next entry for a heart-warming communication from a recently liberated Peteena.


Darling,
We (a royal we, of course) are so happy to see that your "difficulties" have been surmounted and your web-site is once again spreading the good news that is Peteena. Thanks to your inspired searching in that dreadful place of bondage, otherwise known as ebay to the common and unsuspecting, we are enjoying our new home and dutifully training our new housemates to the meeting of our needs. Of course, our suffering is beyond description at the moment, but as you know, Peteena's patience is of an infinite quality.

In sisterhood, Peteena

Peteena replies:
So glad we could help a sister in need. Best of luck to you, darling, in your new home.

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!

FREE PETEENA EVERYWHERE!


January, 2000

hello peteena,

sorry to have to send you an email like this, but we need to inform you that choplogic is a registered tradesmark of choplogic, inc. not the (tm) but rather the (r) type. we've gone to great lengths in applying and recieving (sic) this trademark. i'm sure you feel the same way about peteena.

thanks

eric rochow

choplogic, inc.

Peteena replies:
Happy to oblige you, Eric, and no offence intended. The infidel who submitted the word "choplogic" as part of a proposed Championship name for Peteena has been properly disciplined (though he maintains "choplogic" is an actual word and wonders how it can be trademarked).

Not sure what you mean by your last line, however. Have you really looked at this website?


I think we need new updated fashions for the millennium Peteena. I would buy them for my Peteena if there was someone to design them. Don't get me wrong, I love the old Fashions she had from the 60's, but its time for a make over girl! Is there anyone out there who can do this?

Peteena replies:
We are at a loss as to how to respond to this individual. No salutation, no sign-off, and the reference to "my Peteena" grieves us most acutely. The idea that Peteena could be owned (and by one so impertinent, yet) is simultaneously laughable and deeply disturbing.

As for the new fashions, Peteena's true fans know that her look is timeless. However, any fan wishing to design new outfits for us is encouraged to submit designs via this website.


Dear Peteena, How come you haven't added the new questions and answers to your comment board? Are we getting fat and lazy in our old age, or did you just get tired of answering them? Waiting for your answers.

Peteena's best fan!

Peteena replies:
We regret to inform our legions of fans that this message is from the same addled individual who submitted the previous one. We categorically deny that this individual is our "best fan," or even a fan at all.


I have an unopened Peteena the Poodle in a bikini from 1966. I would like to know its monetary value. Please tell me if you can. Thank you.

Peteena fan

Peteena replies:
Another so-called "fan." And yet another sister of Peteena languishing in bondage. Will this horror never cease? We urge you to set "your" Peteena free! If your heart is too hard to do so, we are willing to consider a ransom payment. Please e-mail us again to negotiate privately.


Missives from the previous Millenium

Dear Peteena,

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Do bipedal poodles even have personal saviors? Or, in view of your synthetic origins (petroleum though art and unto petroleum shalt thou return), do you go to a Hasbro Heaven, full of G.I. Joes with big white wings? Please let your fans know your afterlife plans!

Your faithful devotee,

Spayed in Spokane

Peteena replies:
As we are a dog (and a fine specimen of a poodle bitch at that), we see no need to accept Jesus as our personal savior. Doesn't it say in the Bible (somewhere) that all the animals and the little children belong to Jesus already? As for the composition/decomposition of our corporeal form, we see no difference between what you're made of and what we're made of - it all came from God's green Earth, didn't it? We fully expect to spend eternity floating on a white, fluffy cloud playing a harp and eating bon bons while G.I. Joe rots in Hell for war crimes.


Dear Peteena,

I adore you! You are the goddess fashion doll! I was wondering, what modern fashion dolls are you most jealous of? (not that anyone could complete with your fabulousness)

Smooches,

Clint

Peteena replies:
'Nuff said.


HAVE YOU GOT A QUESTION ABOUT PETEENA? E-MAIL YOUR QUERY TO info@peteena.com