FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

ABOUT PETEENA


What the heck is Peteena?

Technically, Peteena is a 9-inch, white, plastic doll that uncannily resembles a poodle. Peteena bears the shameful scars of her lowly, mass-manufactured origins in the legend "Hasbro 1966" imprinted on her butt (Hasbro, however, denies all knowledge of Peteena). Peteena wishes to stress to all you cyber-whatevers out there that she is not and never has been computer generated. Peteena has a very real (and very pampered) corporeal existence.

Why should Peteena have her own Web site?

Because she's Peteena, stupid, Star of Stage, Screen, and the Xerox machine.

Oh, yeah? Why haven't I ever heard of her?

Peteena's career as a performance artist is legendary, which explains why you've never heard of her. In 1995 it was discovered by the NEA, which had been funding Peteena's work for two decades, that Peteena is not human and, therefore, not a U.S. citizen. The resulting scandal, known inside the beltway as "Peteenagate"(TM) is largely responsible for the NEA's current political woes. In addition, Peteena has starred in several films, including Dinosaur Crunch; No Sale; Uncertainty, Maybe; and The Peteena Files. Unfortunately, none of these films is currently available on video.

How old is Peteena in dog years?

Peteena is ageless, thanks to the modern miracle of plastic.

Is Peteena a purebred Poodle?

Of course! Peteena has won many prestigious awards in many dog shows. Her full name is Champion Peteena Snapdragon McFisticuff.

HAVE YOU GOT A QUESTION ABOUT PETEENA? E-MAIL YOUR QUERY TO info@peteena.com